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This post comes from a gut wrenching past 48 hours filled with reality checks. When I started this blog I envisioned writing about my great financial conquests on my rode to being worth 1 million dollars by age 30. I set this big hairy audacious goal (thank you Jim Collins and Built to Last) to jolt myself out of slipping financially.

In April 2013 I realized my finance were out of control and it was time to make a change. That month my net income was -$4,729.73. I was especially disturbed by this considering that just 6 months earlier I had achieved a positive net income of $10,983.

Here is the reason why I have been hesitant to post anything over the past months. Because I have not been achieving what I wanted this blog to chronicle. Instead of climbing to higher heights of financial success over the past 12 months I have sunk to the lowest lows in my life.

Over the best year my net income was been around -$23,000. If you aren’t a business major that means I spent $23,000 more than I made. The worst part is that there is no big definable purchase such as a house or car to account for this. It’s just been “death by a thousand cuts.” To be honest I’ve broken down over the past few days at the thought of spending a year of my life working 60 hours weeks and having little to show for it. 

It’s at times like these that I wish I could hit the rewind button and do it all over again. But there is not reset in life. I hope to hit the “pause” button over the next few days and evaluate my current situation. I know that I can’t keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results. My stomach turns at the thought of shrinking my dreams down to fit inside certain parameters, or throwing in the towel on goals I’ve set for myself. Maybe this is one of those defining moments where my true character rises to the surface. I only hope that it is the type of character that leads me to where I want to be. Right now I pause, in a few days I hit play.